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For those of you in the State of Maryland, you will surely find this funny.:

This is not my original work. But I have no idea where it originated. If anyone knows, please let me know so I can give credit.

The “Merlin” Dialect

The Merlin Dialect is spoken by a mixed population which inhabits a triangular area on the western littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a line commencing at Towson’s Toyota, then westward to the
Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of the cable TV franchise and the string of McDonalds’ along Route 50 to the Bay.

All of these lands and the natives thereof are known as the Land of Merlin. They divide it further into semi-tribal areas called Cannies “COUNTIES” (e.g., Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, Hard Canny, etc.).
The dialect area is centered on a market center called Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English, linguists have long postulated that there is some kinship between the two.

Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of their voracious appetite for television. However, they invariably refuse to speak standard English, even with
outsiders who obviously are not understanding a word they say.

Lesson 1 Vocabulary

Baldmer – Our city
Merlin – Our State
Arn – What you do to wrinkled clothes
Bulled Egg – An egg cooked in water
Chest Peak – A large nearby body of water
Colleyflare – A white vegetable
Downey Owe Shin – Summertime destination “Down to the ocean” (such as
Ayshun City)
Droodle Pork – Druid Hill Park
Faren Gins – Red trucks that put out fires
Hi Hon – How we always say “hello”
Holluntown – Highland Town
Nap Lis – State of Merlin capital
Ole Bay – What our crabs taste like
Oreos – Not a cookie, but our baseball team
Payment – That strip of cement that you walk on
PohLeese – Those guys in uniform that git ya when you’re speeding
Share – Hot water that cleans you in the morning
Flares – Such as tu! lips
Tarred – What happens when you work too hard
Warsh – What we do with dirty clothes
Warter – What we drink (can also be Wooter)
Winders – Those glass things that we look out of
Paramore – Power mower
Brawl – Broil
Sem elem – Seven Eleven
Allanic – an ocean
Arnjuice – from the sunshine tree
Arouwn in all directions – norf, souf, ees, and wess
Aspern – what you take for headaches
Bald – some people like their eggs this way
Bawler – what the plumber calls your furnace
Beeno – a famous railroad
Calf Lick – bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and …
Canny – a state gubmit division, such as Anne Arundel or Prince George’s
Drooslem – city in the Holy Land
Duddeney – yes, he does, duddeney?
Err – a time measurement of 60 minutes
Far place – requires wood
Fard – area between the eyes and the hairline
Farmin – the people who fight fars
Ford – opposite of backward
Idnit – it is, idnit?
Ignernt – ignorant
Klumya – Rouse’s new city (Columbia)
Meer – what you look at in the morning
Munlaw – married to your fodlaw
Natty Boh – Beer
Norf Abnew – North Avenue
Numb – a conjunctive 1st person pronoun: “Aw’ve bin workin six errors numb tarred.”
Plooshin – let’s get it out of the Cheaspeake
Sarn – what a pleece car or Farn Gin makes noise with
Slong – “good-bye”
Sore – drainage under the street
Spearmint – experiment
Warshnin – our nation’s capital
Wooder – what you wrench your hands with
Yerp – Europe
Zinc – where you wrench your hands or wash your dishes
Youz – you all
Flicktid – A word only Merlin natives have ever heard or used. Possibly deriving from the word “afflicted” taken from standard english. (ex. “Shut up. Yor jist flicktid!)

Lesson 2. Oral Exercises — Listen and Repeat:

Merlin: Ah herd sarns at sod the hass a bat hunnert toms lass not. Itsem Ann Earl Canny farn gins.
Standard: I heard sirens outside the house about a hundred times last night. It’s those! Anne Arundel County fire engines.

Merlin: She raider boskle from Droodle Pork to dantan Ballmer wither oz clazed.
Standard: She rode her bicycle from Druid Hill Park to downtown Baltimore with her eyes closed.

Merlin: The Hard Canny Toms sayz the canny cancel pace pained bon ambalances.
Standard: The Howard County Times says the County Council postponed buying ambulances.

Merlin: Pitcher bane seat owen. Weer goon danny ayshun.
Standard: Put your bathing suit on. We’re going down to the ocean.

Merlin: Ah sawn ambalance good dan Rosters Tan Raid a bat a huunert molls an air, nit was porn dan rain.
Standard: I saw an ambulance going down Reisterstown Road about a hundred miles an hour, and it was pouring down rain.

Merlin: It spaced a snaid mora. Better pitcher snay tars owen.
Standard: It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. Better put your snow tires on

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Written by Aaron Brazell on February 1, 2005

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