I have not written in a few days because there has been so much going on. On top of the recent accident, my wife and I separated again. It looks like this time for good. This time, I’m handling things much better than last time and I want to look out for her. The last time I was angry and bitter. This time, I’m all about preventing both of us from bleeding out. I say that and those that know the situation may or may not believe me. But it’s the truth.
For awhile, I have felt that we were not really the “one flesh” that marriage is about. Most of that is my fault. I have felt that this time would come at some point though I didn’t know when. To be honest, I did not want to add a failed marriage as a bulleted item in a list of life failures I have made. But at this time, I think it’s time to move on with our lives. Take the beating now once instead of continuning the cycle of taking the beatings over and over again.
To be honest, I’m on an emotional roller coaster. One of my greatest strengths is my ability to compartmentalize - to not allow emotions and feelings get in the way of sound, logical and rational choices. I think it is a great strength, but it can also be a weakness.
Right now I’m a little overwhelmed. Suddenly, the things that Nicole has always taken care of such as money and food and grocery shopping is something that I have to take on. And I have to do it quick. The bills are stacked up and the rent is due. Not sure how I’m going to make it all work out and I think I’m just going to have to trust God to make a way where there doesn;t seem to be a way.
One thing I can say, and I keep saying this to myself for the past few days…. I’m a blessed man. Truth is I might be a hurting man, but I am blessed. I have another day on this earth. I have a great career with a great company. I am blessed.
I have also been repeating a Scripture in my head for two days now. Maybe it will sink in. Repeating it is the only way it will sink in.
Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
Stumble it!
About the Author: Aaron Brazell is the lead editor of Technosailor.com and a social media expert. His passion is to see companies and individuals use the internet and web technologies wisely and effectively to promote their brands and companies. He is Business Development Manager for Lijit and he worked as Director of Technology at b5media from 2005-2008 and is currently an independent consultant.
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But you both we remain in my prayers. I will talk to you soon.
One love
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Now I am gladly accepting donations in $100 denominations should you feel the compulsion to help me with the bills I now face. :D
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If you need anything or want to talk, you know where to find me.
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I wanted to share with you a song by Jami Smith called 'Your love is deep', which is a really simple song that speaks of how much our Creator loves us. Perhaps throughout your days this song will come to remembrance when you need it the most.
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Your love is deep
You love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide
Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap you filled
Who shall separate us
Who shall separate us from Your love
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from Your love
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