Facebook, Did you Get My Alimony Check?

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A month or so ago, I unceremoniously ditched Facebook. Kicked it to the curb.

See, the relationship was already on the rocks. She was apparently running around my back telling other people about my habits and sending me crappy anniversary gifts like Zombie requests.

I admit not being very loyal myself. I was having an affair with Twitter and a few other lovely socialites. They made my day, my week, my life. Reinvigorated my drained human experience.

And I know you now have chat which makes it easy for you to meet new people. I could use you to meet new people to but I’m more comfortable with my oldie but goodie Skype. Heck I can even talk to MySpace with Skype – hope you’re not having withdrawals or anything.

Look, I have a lot of exes. Firefox is my ex and I was married to her for 5 years. Since the 0.7 days, really. I had to let her go because she was messing up my lifestyle, and my lifestyle is the most important thing to me. Sure, I visit her now and then because there’s things that only Firefox can give me.

So Facebook, you’re going to have to do more than remind me of where I should be. That’s just a nag mentality. If you were useful to me, we might’ve worked things out. A month on, though, I’m not missing you.

Hope you don’t mind. You have plenty of other guys to play with.

Published by

Aaron Brazell

Aaron Brazell is a Baltimore, MD-based WordPress developer, a co-founder at WP Engine, WordPress core contributor and author. He wrote the book WordPress Bible and has been publishing on the web since 2000. You can follow him on Twitter, on his personal blog and view his photography at The Aperture Filter.

9 thoughts on “Facebook, Did you Get My Alimony Check?”

  1. Hahaha…Aaron, I hope you know those girls and they are not some random people that will sue you for stealing pictures from Facebook. :)

    Facebook can be a tempting mistress…unless you are Technosailor.

  2. I am absolutely with you. Everything I thought I was going to get from Facebook, I get in other places and it is just easier to do it without all the Pimpfights and Zombiebites. I don’t care which Shakespeare play I am and I don’t care how much you really know about movies. That is not the connection I am looking for – so I rarely check in on Facebook. I still have an account and I do still check in – kind of like the 3am drunk call to the ex-girlfriend… But I have certainly moved on. Thanks for going public with your rant, A!

  3. Aside from some technical malfunctions and people taking their profile pimpage to levels of distastefulness that could put Martha Stewart in her grave, what’s really wrong with MySpace?

  4. Facebook is still pretty useful for events and such but I long ago consigned the email messages to a folder that bypasses the inbox.

    I still use Firefox although I’ve been tempted by Safari. The “Google Browser Synch” add-on is so useful, though — sharing information between my home, office, and laptop seamlessly — has kept me coming back.

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